Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Devil Dog

Thirty years ago, I was introduced to a fireplug of a man named Ron McCullough. He was, and is, the funniest man I’ve ever known. We called him Devil Dog.

Ron was a salesman for The Berkline Corporation in Kentucky. I don’t know what you had to do in your prior life to get sentenced to selling furniture in Kentucky, but Ron must have been a very bad boy, and he loved it.

Once, a group of us decided to visit Devil Dog en route to the High Point market. What a host! He offered his home, his food, his libations, everything. The following morning, after putting us up for the night, he asked if we wanted coffee. One of our group asked for tea. He told HIM to get the hell out of his house. He waited on the porch.

Devil Dog was the most skilled joke teller I’ve ever seen. He could make a glass of water look funny. A little bit rooster, pit bull, and Colonel Sanders, Devil Dog used his southern drawl and his raspy, high pitched voice to drive home the punch line, every time.

The Japanese Kamikaze School was my favorite. The set up is higher education for Kamikaze pilots. The instructor goes through an entire lesson plan of different types of floating militia and how the Kamikaze pilot will end up in Kamikaze heaven, something like “plane go boom, ship go boom. You go to Kamikaze heaven. Your country proud of you!”

At the end of about a five minute, non-stop, Japanese instructor with a southern drawl voice, truly affected by the Jack Daniels from the night before, he pauses. “Any questions”, he asks. A hand goes up. The instructor says “yes?”. The student reply, “Are you out of your $^&#*%^ mind?”

It’s still funny.

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