Saturday, March 21, 2009

natural birth control....

Sometimes, when I go to China, I wonder if women actually kiss men. They seem to keep a safe distance with rarely, if any, hand holding. I don't think I've ever seen a public kiss. Cuddling up, not in public. I've always wondered how that country with one point three billion people got to be, well....a country of one point three billion people. One thing for sure, they're not adding to that number.

I think I have the answer, and it comes in multiple parts. Chinese men are jerks. While I was waiting for breakfast the other morning, I noticed about a dozen men waiting. Everyone of them was smoking. And, it seemed there was a pusher there who walked around the table to make sure each of them had their smokes, like a clown distributing candy during a parade.

There were also three women there. They were not offered smokes. Maybe, according to the men, it makes their mouths taste bad.

Then, as things get going, a new sort of competition seems to be festering....spitting. These diminutive people can make noises that would scare a serial killer with gurgling and hacking and this one noise I can't compare, except to a garbage disposal when it's sucking down water. First you'll hear one, then another, then it's like pigs snorting and sniffing, sucking and spitting and gurgling and hacking. I wonder if this spitting jag is related to the 6 unfiltered cigarettes they just chain smoked.

And, at the end of the day, at least for the business people, they go to Karaoke where the boozing and smoking and sex is offered (at least it seems like it's being offered) until all the money is gone.

There you are ladies, at home, waiting for your man, lounging in your bed, in your finest nighttime attire, something slinky, something silky, just barely covering up whatever treasures that may be hidden, when this Shrek-like, chain smoking, expectorating, excreting, pint sized, chemical oozing machine shows up. Sounds like romance to me. Turn up the music. Turn down the lights.

And they had to make a law enforcing one child per family.


  1. Yuch. It sounds disgusting! Sad picture of the little boy smoking but the situation was the same in Turkey when I was there (probably 11 yrs ago). The men sat around the villages and smoked and the women were in the fields working. It's amazing what women will put up with for a little TLC.

  2. Hahahahahha!!! OMG, Tom, you crack me up!! :-D

    And you've pretty much discouraged me from ever going to China. The allure of real authentic dim sum can't quite overcome the grossness of Chinese men everywhere hocking loogies. Barf-o-rama!!!!

    BTW, the story about your mom driving through the snow with her head out the window made me laugh!! :-)


  3. Tom,
    And those smokin' Chinese menfolk also toss in the ol' blowing-of-the-nose without benefit of the handkerchief, blowing snots right onto the sidewalk and onto their fingers. Ah: Very charming, Mao See Choooooung!